Archive for July, 2009

The idea to do this blog really came from Ryan. For a while, I had talked about creating a Web site… a way for me to finally get some of my music out there that I have been sheltering for so long, a way to make me accountable to the music and to myself. But, after reading a few friends blogs and being inspired by the boldness of their words, I decided blogging was something I wanted to do.

I have journaled for years, it is perhaps the single most thing that has kept me sane (despite my relatively blessed and comfortable life). And so the idea of opening my journal and sharing it with whomever (family, facebook friends, passersby) seemed to violate the very sacred space that is a journal and the freeness that comes with it. Even now, I have backspaced too many times to count, just knowing that other people will read this. When I journal, it’s just me and a pen, there is no erasing, and, sure, things get scratched out… but I always make sure that, no matter what, I can always read what I originally wrote. I will continue to journal and have my sacred space, but this is different.

One thing that I’ve learned about myself, after watching friendships begin and, not so much end, but rather taper-off over a couple periods of my life (high school, college, post-college), is that I always regret not letting people in enough. I’m always so worried about making sure I come off exactly the right way, or I worry that I might make someone uncomfortable, so I shy away from exposing my true self (my love, my hate, my passions, my faults). I’ve risked not letting people to get to know me to spare myself from a couple of uncomfortable moments.

Down With Me is the title of one of my first songs. It wasn’t the first song I ever wrote but it was the first one I finished. It’s a song I wrote in college about a guy wanting to get to know a girl better and the girl warning him that she’s not who he thinks she is on the inside. I feel like I’ve lived this way for much of my adult life. I feel like I am a different person “on the inside” than I present to most people, most days.

This blog is about turning 25. This blog is about Maria Kosut becoming Maria Gall. And, this blog is about making sense of life through music. I hope you will come down with me, and stay.


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